Thursday, February 17, 2011

Post-Op & Blessings

I'm day 2 post-op and still in a tad bit of pain, but was able to get out of the house and drive today.  Thank God because it's literally 60 degrees here.  I have my windows February!  This weather is nuts.  But I digress.  The pain wasn't bad at all the first day.  Yesterday was a lot worse.  My incisions started aching a bit and the air bubbles were a nightmare (shoulder pain - WHAT?)!  But they've subsided a lot today and I'm finally able to move around like a human being, as opposed to the zombie/mummy mutant I've resembled over the last 24 hours.  Not to mention what a shower can do for you...who knew?

But back to the surgery.  And I'm shocked at the results - NO ENDO!!!  I was really expecting to have some stage of endo, but apparently I'm clean.  Go figure.  And call me crazy, but I have mixed emotions about this.  I never realized it before my surgery, but looking back I think I was expecting to have endo, and thus an answer to my IF.  Now I sort of feel like maybe we're back to square one again?  No problem = no solution.

On the other hand, she did remove the polyp and I had my HSG a couple of weeks ago which could have shaken something loose.  We haven't TTC since then yet.  I guess the next couple of months will tell us a lot.  I have a post-op in 2 weeks (that seems like forever...I'm not good at recovery) and I can't wait to talk to my doc a little more about next steps.

On a totally different whole different octave (yeah, score one for my music-related wit!  {nerd})...sometimes it takes a trip to the hospital to realize how truly blessed you are.  In the pre-op & anesthesia rooms I got asked the same set of questions what seemed like 8 million times.  "Are you allergic to any medications?  Foods?  Rubber or latex?  History of heart problems?  Respiratory problems?  Any implants?  Pacemaker?   Etc...etc...etc..."  After answering these questions about 4 million solid times, I started to get annoyed.  Until the anesthesiologist said, "You're generally pretty healthy?"

Aaaaaand............cue lightbulb.

Dang.  What am I annoyed for?  I am generally pretty healthy.

It got me thinking about people who are in the hospital on a regular basis, either for themselves or for their children.  God bless those people.  I couldn't do it.

Then it made me start to feel guilty that I was "just" there because I can't have another child.  Another.  I don't think I should feel guilty about that, but is it nearly the biggest health problem I could have?  No, definitely not, but it's still a pretty big deal, right?  Fraught with emotion, disappointment, envy, hormones.

Yes, I do believe I have every right to be upset about not being able to have another child.  No, it's not the worst medical problem I could have.  And I'd much rather be going through it myself than be at the hospital, God forbid, because my child has a health problem.  But it's legitimate to want to get this problem fixed.  Right?

Furthermore, I get home from an outpatient surgery, and the number of friends willing to pitch in is amazing.  A neighbor who has a son in Jack's class picked him up from school the following day - even though her son was home sick from school!!!  Who does that??  Then another friend took Jack for the rest of the afternoon because she was watching her grandson so they got to play together.  Then another friend dropped off some flowers and offered to watch Jack too.  Then today, my awesome neighbor saw on facebook that Jack has been sick with an ear infection (didn't even know about my surgery) and asked if she could pick up anything for us from the grocery store!  How blessed am I?  All of that outpouring of support, and not even many people knew I was having surgery!

Truly - nothing to complain about here.


  1. It's good to hear you are feeling better! One day at a time huh?

  2. So glad to hear that you're recovering well and getting so much support! That's awesome.

    I know exactly what you mean about the guilt of asking for another child. That's exactly why it took me 7 years to acknowledge and seek treatment for my secondary IF. It took me that long to realize it's NOT selfish to want children and siblings for our children.

    I'm so glad you didn't have endo and I hope they can help you conceive again! Please dear Lord!

  3. I had that same situation when I was at the hematologist’s office. He said, “so you are basically pretty healthy.” I blurted out, “allegedly” kind of sarcastically and immediately felt horrible. This guy deals with dying cancer patients everyday! I might miscarry babies, but I’m the healthiest thing he’s seen in his office in a long time. He didn't make me feel bad and no worries. He ended up finding something wrong with me. :) They all do! But no. Nothing to feel guilty about wanting more children and if you can’t, something is wrong.

    Wishing you a speedy recovery and a lighting fast 2 weeks.

  4. I'm glad you're getting the help you need! Feel better fast!

  5. I'm glad you're healthy, feeling better, and have so much support!!! I hear you on the mixed feelings on endo. If there's a known problem, there should be a solution, right? Sigh...I"m sorry, Nicole.

  6. And, you have the heart to see and appreciate your blessings! Oh, I am so happy you are surrounded by support. Very good point about recalling that we should be grateful for our general health...true, so true. But, IF, secondary IF, means that there is something not-OK about us...and we have every right to be sad and hurting about it. Have you read Dr. Beer's book IS YOUR BODY BABY FRIENDLY? He clearly states the secondary IF is the hardest kind of IF to overcome. Good news, he found the cause of it and was able to help thousands of women. Currently, it is Dr. Kwak-Kim that carries out his work. Dr. Beer passed away. I highly suggest you buy it on Amazon. It is very informative and might lead you to your answer. Secondary IF is very elusive and most doctors do not know how to treat it.

  7. I am so glad you are on the mend, and I hope that in some way, all of this clears the road for a new baby!!

  8. So glad there wasn't endo! I know you were looking for something clear-cut as "the reason", but trust me, no endo is a good thing!!
    Glad you are feeling okay already - hope your recovery continues to go smoothly!

  9. So happy the recovery is going well and you have a little more clarity even if "no endo" isn't the answer you expected. I pray you can continue to grow your family!

  10. I'm glad your surgery went smoothly and that you are recovering well. I'm praying that God will guide you to find your answers.