Monday, March 21, 2011

That book I told you about...

So remember that book I told you about a couple of posts ago?  The one hubby got for me via the Love Dare?'s awesome.  I'm not quite done yet so I hesitate to tell you to rush out and buy it.  But so far I'm blowing through it (and I do not blow through books)!

It's a memoir.  I was shocked when I began reading about the author's battle with infertility!  I suspected my husband had read that that was a big part of it.  So I asked him if that's why he bought it for me.  He swears he didn't know what it was about besides "issues in her past."  Hmmm.  The more I keep reading it, the more I'm not so sure.  But he insists he didn't know!  Maybe it was just Providential!

I wanted to share an excerpt with you.  She's explaining why, despite the pressure and crazy looks from her doctors to do IVF, she will not succumb:
"I think that I did it, in the end, because when I die, and it comes my turn to be judged, whatever faults and failings, whatever sins large or small are laid to my account, at least I'll be able to say this:
'The hardest thing I ever did in my life I did for You.  The world promised me what I wanted most and I turned it down, because I believed in You and Your Church, and your Church told me 'no.'  Even when everyone was telling me I was a fool to submit to You; even when I played with the babies, even a few blessed babies who had come into the world by the way You had forbidden me, babies You loved, babies You made Your children by the loving obedience of Your Son, babies I played with and loved and bought Christmas presents for - even when I didn't understand, even when I couldn't feel You anywhere, even when I hated it, I did what You asked.  Despite all the sins and screw-ups and failures to be what You wanted me to be, however often I have buried my talents in the ground, however I have failed to be fruitful for You in other ways, at least in this one thing, this one unbearable thing, I can honestly say I was obedient at great cost.

'And if that isn't enough for You, well, it's all I've got.  If that's not enough, then I never had a chance with You from the beginning.  You are Truth itself.  And the truth about me is that this pathetic submission is the closest I could come to being like You.'"
Wow.  I read this part with my jaw hanging on the floor.  Honest, yes, but completely selfless and obedient.  I was almost ashamed to read it!  Because even though I have never considered IVF (it's easier not to consider when you already have one), I have never handled my IF quite so obediently!  I especially appreciated the "well, it's all I've got" line.  Yep.  I've said that more than once along my journey!  I was amazed at her raw openness - something you get a lot of in this book!

Like I said, I hesitate to recommend it quite yet, just because I'm not totally done.  But it has really resonated with me so far.  I'll keep you posted!   If you'd like to check it out, you can go to her website where she also blogs.


  1. That sounds amazing. I can't wait to hear what you think of it once you've finished, Nicole. You'll have to post about that, too. :)

  2. Love this. For so many reasons.

  3. I read that book back in January and I too couldn't put it down. But I am curious what you think about it overall when you are done reading it. Maybe we can discuss? It just ended differently than I expected and I am not sure what I think.

    Anyway, but yes, that passage you quoted above - that has stuck with me since I read the book. The author lives near me, but I haven't met her (she attends a parish in the Twin Cities), but another MN blogger goes to that same church and said she is really cool in person. I think it would be interesting to meet her. I can't wait for you to finish the book!