Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Asking for guidance

I had a meeting yesterday at which one topic of discussion got confrontational. I was pretty sure this topic was going to come up. And I was angry about it. I had spoken to the other party a few days before regarding the situation and got the feeling (s)he wasn't happy. I felt (s)he took some of my comments out of context and far too personally, and therefore, before yesterday's meeting even began, I had feelings towards him/her. I felt (s)he was being irrational.

So we began the meeting with a prayer. At the end of the group prayer, I considered saying a quick, silent prayer to the Holy Spirit for guidance should the topic come up. But in my vain anger, I brushed the prayer aside.

A few minutes into the meeting, the group's discussion was interrupted by the other party to confront me about this previous topic. In my flustered state of mind, I couldn't form a coherent response, and stumbled over words and sentences. I simply couldn't explain myself.

I think I eventually got my point across, but since the meeting, I've been stewing over "what I should have said." There were so many different examples I could have pointed to that proved my point, and that I think would have quelled any irrationality right off the bat. "WHY didn't I think of that during the meeting?!?" I keep asking myself.

Until I realized this: I had brushed off my prayer to the Holy Spirit because I was angry. Wow. Point taken. Had I put aside my pride and gone through with the prayer for help and guidance, I'm certain the things I'm thinking of now would have been stated clearly and concisely during the meeting.

Lesson learned. It's been 24 hours since the meeting and I can't get out of my head what I should have said. I keep wondering if I should call the other party and politely state myself in a clear manner, just in case (s)he wasn't able to decipher my code yesterday. Or should I just let it go and pray that the Holy Spirit conveys my message for me?

Probably the latter. Either way, I think it's time I get back to saying this on a regular basis.

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