Thursday, May 26, 2011

I guess I was right

Remember this post?  About our "abundant blessing" that I didn't believe I deserved?  Well, I guess I was right.  We had our 12 week ultrasound last week and received some bad news.  We lost one of the twins.  The healthy baby measured 13 weeks and the one we lost measured 9 weeks.  So we had apparently lost him around 4 weeks prior...probably around the time we started announcing it to family and friends.  The good news is that the healthy baby was moving and kicking around, appeared very healthy, and measured a week larger than he should have been, so that's a good thing.  And I even felt him kick yesterday.  But I'm still nervous.  I have a more detailed ultrasound coming up in late June, which feels like eons away.  They're fairly sure the twins were totally separate, but they need to make sure I guess.

It's been a tough week but luckily I've had a lot going on with family in town to keep my mind on other things.  It's a mixed bag of emotions.  I lost a child, yet I still have one in my womb.  I feel guilty grieving for the lost baby, as though I'm not excited about the healthy baby.  But then I feel guilty not grieving for the baby I've lost.  And of course, I'm still excited that we're expecting.  It's going to take some time.  Any prayers for the healthy baby would be appreciated beyond words.

26 comments:

  1. Oh I am so sorry. You are absolutely right that this baby needs to be mourned. And his/her little sibling needs to be celebrated. What a difficult thing to do.

    Praying for you.

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  2. I am so, so sorry. :( I don't see anything wrong with taking time to mourn the loss of your sweet baby. It doesn't mean you aren't thankful and excited about your growing baby.

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  3. OH I'm so sorry, I'm tearing up! I completely understand your emotions because I'm feeling them right now too. Thank God for a healthy baby...you'll be in my prayers!

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  4. I'm so sorry. You're in my prayers.

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  5. I'm so sorry for the loss of your baby. :( I can see how bittersweet this must be for you. Prayers for you all.

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  6. Hugs, my friend. I am so sorry. But so grateful for a healthy baby. Hard to process both at once.

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  7. My heart is breaking for you. I am so sorry. You are in my prayers.

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  8. I am so sorry! Praying for you! I wish I had more words of wisdom. :(

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  9. Oh Nicole, I am so so sorry. I am praying for you and will remember you in my Rosary this afternoon. Hugs.

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  10. Oh I'm so sorry. Praying for you.

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  11. You're such a great mom to allow yourself to feel the pain and joy of this time. I'm sure processing all of this takes time, and I will keep you in prayer as you heal/rejoice. Wish I could give you a hug :)

    For some reason, blogger is being a mega-pain and doesn't know who I am! It's Renee at Second Chances :)

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  12. Oh I am so very sorry. I can see how your feelings would be so complicated. We tried to adopt two boys when we adopted our littlest one but the older one fell through. I cried for weeks - until my husband told me "enough." Even while we were there getting the little one, I kept looking for the other...as if he'd just show up. He'll always have me as another mother - no matter where he is. And all will be well...someday. Blessings!

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  13. sorry. prayers for your whole family.

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  14. I am so very sorry...
    I can't imagine what you are feeling right now. Just know you are in my thoughts and prayers.

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  15. I am so sorry Nicole, such blessing and sorrow mixed together. You are in my prayers. ((Hugs))

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  16. I'm praying and so sad. And no more saying you didn't deserve it.

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  17. I am so sorry...

    I had an early miscarriage 2 weeks ago, and we are so close to traveling to get baby Henry...

    So sad...and happy...

    We keep on keepin' on...

    I hear you and I will pray for you.

    Carla
    www.bringinghenryhome.blogspot.com

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  18. I'm so sorry, Nicole. I'll keep you all in my prayers.

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  19. Prayers in rememberance and in hopeful anticipation.
    Hugs!

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  20. So sorry, that is such a tough thing. You are in my prayers.

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  21. I am so sorry, my prayers are with you and the baby.

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  22. I am very sorry for your lost. I know its a very hard time and we'll keep praying for you and your family.

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  23. (sorry for such a late response-couldnt comment until now) Nicole, I hope you got my email. I am so very sorry- we pray for you in our daily prayers. I can not even imagine the emotions you are going through. God Bless you. Please let me know if you need anything. (hugs)

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