This is only a week late!

I've been meaning to post about the book I'm reading for Lent.  Alas, a week into it, here I finally am!  But I guess since I'm now into the book, I can provide an opinion!  It's called "Simplifying the Soul" and it's all about - shocking! - simplifying!  It's a daily devotional and for each different week, she gives a theme.  The first was simplifying space, then simplifying your use of money, etc. and every day you have a task.  So far I've cleaned out a junk drawer, donated something I'm not using, created a prayer space (ok, so I'm still working on this one...it's hard!), made a meal from lost or forgotten items, and more!  I highly recommend it if you're looking to simplify.

Broseph

My little miracle turned 3 months old today.  And I can't even believe I just typed that.   Mike took some pics of big & baby bros.

Check out my mutant eyelashes

Pay no attention to my haircut....

Big boys

Chillaxin together!

Are we conditioned?

We got a pregnancy announcement over the weekend.  You might wonder why I would even mention a pregnancy announcement anymore - I have an 11 week old baby in my house!  And I would agree with you - it's dumb that it even fazes me.  We got the announcement as we were driving in the car and I told my husband how happy I was for our friend!  I soooooo am!

But I also confessed to him that even with a tiny baby in the backseat, for some reason - and I hate it - I still instinctively get a twinge of...is it still jealousy?...whenever I get a pregnancy announcement.  I told this to Mike and he said, "Well, you spent 5 years feeling 'bad' every time someone told you they were pregnant.  You're sort of conditioned to react that way.  It's hard to get over."  And I think he's right.

Again - I hate reacting this way!  I'm incredibly happy and grateful for what God has given me!  And incredibly undeserving.  I desperately want to get over feeling this way.  But could it be that "once and infertile, always an infertile," no matter how many children you end up having in the end?  I hope not, but as Hebrews recently wrote about, maybe it is best to never forget.

Or maybe, as I told a friend recently, that it's because in the back of my mind, I still feel like we were supposed to have two.  And now there's a void that can never be filled.  And I want to be pregnant again as soon as possible because I feel like that will somehow fill that void.

I just don't want to be conditioned.  I want to be able to be genuinely happy for my pregnant friends without that happiness being tarnished by this stupid gut instinct.  And I want to be able to just relax and enjoy my brand new precious blessing without feeling like there's something missing.  Because there's not - I'm the luckiest gal in the world.

My angel