I wrote this awhile ago, intending to post it then, but decided to wait till my emotions leveled off a bit.
Like I said in my last post, my emotions have been all over the place since we found out about the loss of our baby. I keep trying to figure it out (an exercise in futility, I know) because twins just MADE SENSE this time around. I never thought of myself as a mom of multiples. Never thought I could hack it. But when we found out, it really seemed like the stars had aligned for this situation.
First and mainly, because of the failed adoption. Again...not that our having twins was a "special present" for offering to save a baby from abortion. But we had anticipated the possibility of raising non-biological twins had the birthmother chosen life, and it was something we were excited about. Then we found out we were having twins biologically and it just seemed like, we were supposed to have two babies!
Also, I had always assumed I'd have three babies by now...so two coming at the same time - just made sense.
Jack starts kindergarten full day in the fall, so I'd have more time to spend with the babies, and would be able to handle it better.
My mom has a flexible job where she's able to take some time off and had planned to come out for a couple of months after the babies were born.
The list goes on.
On the other hand, maybe I was right in the first place - I'm not cut out for multiples.
Or maybe God gave me twins in the first place because He knew He was going to take one, and He actually did me a favor.
Or, now that I know I can get pregnant again, maybe the next one will come in record time, almost like twins anyway!
Argh! I know I can't know God's plan. Duh. And trying to figure it out is futile. But I'm human and can't help but try. Or at least agonize over the state of events and "what-ifs." I probably sound crazy. Thanks for all your prayers and support. I couldn't get through all this without you ladies!