"The Catholic View for Women" on Miscarriage

After the funeral mass, we went out to dinner.  It was a nice distraction.  And by "distraction", I mean this:



Then we got home and I had a couple of glasses of wine and fell asleep on the couch.  I was physically and mentally drained.  I happened to wake up just as my DVR started recording "The Catholic View for Women" on EWTN.  I record all of them, but honestly, rarely get a chance to watch.  Although it's a wonderful show.

But last night, I believe I was meant to see it.  It happened to be about - miscarriage.  It was unbelievable.  The women were talking about how, even in the pro-life movement, miscarriage is not properly dealt with.  How lonely a loss it is, and how other people don't know how to respond to it.  It's not treated as a "real" loss.

Omg, you guys.  It's EXACTLY what I need at the EXACT right time.  I still can't believe it.  And you all need to watch it.  I'm still trying to track down an electronic version.  When I find it, I'll post it for sure.  My main concern is being able to send it to my family so that maybe they'll finally *begin* to understand that I'm not the only one who is grieving from a miscarriage - that everyone does, you just don't hear about it.

If anyone has happened to see this, let me know!  Especially if you have a link to the episode!

We said goodbye

Tonight we celebrated the funeral mass for our unbaptized babies, Gerard and Frances.  I got through it much better than anticipated.  I think it will take awhile to process.  But I'm so glad we did it.  I have a feeling it will be some good closure for us.  We thank God for our amazing priest who offered the mass for us.  Not many would, I don't think.  He said the rite of unbaptized infants is very rarely said.  But he got permission from the diocese to have it for us.  So we got to officially lay our babies to rest and know they're in the Hands of God now.  Phew.  Tomorrow might be rough.

Miscarriage - 1; Nicole - 0

Defeated.

I've used that term a lot lately.  And "empty."  Mentally and spiritually.  When I opened my blog to write a post, I noticed that part of the title of my last post was "healing."  Hahaha.  Joke's on me.

I'm not doing all that well.  And I'm surprised by it.  I never thought a miscarriage would have such an effect on me.  My husband said to a relative of mine, "You hear the word 'miscarriage' and it just doesn't do justice to what it actually is."  So true.  I've always felt sympathy for people who have miscarried.  But man...you can truly never understand until you've been there.

Upon the advice of some good friends and other very supportive bloggers, I decided to seek help.  Long story short, I googled "therapists in Delaware" and found one that looked promising.  As it turned out, she specializes in grief & loss, is a devout Catholic, and has suffered through 10 years of infertility herself.  And she's TEN MINUTES away from my house.  Divine intervention much???  I could not have been luckier!

I saw her a couple of times before Christmas because I was dreading Christmas.  I have three pregnant relatives, all of whom would have been at the same get-together.  My therapist gave me some tips on how to get through it, so I was feeling better.  But then things started to look even more promising when a snowstorm delayed our travel plans, and we ended up driving on the day of that particular get-together, thus missing it.

My optimism didn't last long.  I'm way too exhausted to dredge through the details yet again, but suffice it to say, the week was HORRIBLE.  Unsympathetic family, everyone saying the wrong things (instead of just saying nothing, like I'd asked), and now a mother who isn't talking to me because I "didn't appreciate" what she did to help me over the holidays.  Yea.  You read that right.  I even had a meltdown one night and admitted that I'm doing everything wrong, handling this terribly, and being totally un-Christ-like, but that I have no idea how to get through this.  So I guess I thought maybe I'd be cut a little slack if I wasn't acting appropriately.  Silly me.

Besides the fact that I'm still grieving over the loss of my child (it was only two months ago, for crying out loud!), now I have family completely abandoning me in my time of need.  Uuuuggghhh.  I'm seriously going to be in therapy for a LONG time.

But it IS helping.  I highly recommend therapy for anyone who is grieving.  I've never, ever been a "therapy-type" if that makes any sense.  It was hard for me to even admit that I needed to see one.  But a really good friend, who has had four miscarriages, really encouraged me to seek help.  I'm so glad I did.  Sometimes you just need it.  If you're ever in a situation where you feel you need help, I highly encourage you to do so.  And spiritual direction as well.  I'm continuing that with my priest.  I hope between the two, I'll be able to find peace soon!